Gentlemen, I give you "Acute maxillary sinusitis, presenting with a purulent dental socket, and brought on largely because of a rather nasty case of influenza."
Let's start with a timeline of events.
Monday, 10.30.06:
Minor dental irritation, scratchy throat progressing to full nasal congestion by evening.
Tuesday, 10.31.06:
Shaka. High fever, chills, chest cold, blocked sinuses, major dental pain, facial swelling, tenderness in swollen areas of face corresponding to the maxillary nasal cavities, total delirium.
Wednesday, 11.1.06:
Fever and delirium break (unfortunately). Swelling, dental pain, facial tenderness increases.
Thursday, 11.2.06:
Dental/facial pain increases.
Friday, 11.3.06:
Dental/facial pain increases once more, aspirin/acetaminophen/hard alcohol/mallet become ineffective.
Saturday, 11.4.06:
No change during the day, make arrangements to go to hospital tomorrow morning. In the evening, however, something quite singular happens. Throughout the day I have noticed a particular swelling at the gum line. Upon closer inspection, it is revealed that a blue-black disturbance in the force shaped and sized roughly like a grape has taken root above front tooth, close to source of dental pain. Patient resists urge to pick at, lance, or otherwise puncture the seed of evil. Not long afterwards, patient notices disgusting taste in mouth, rushes to bathroom. Patient proceeds to leak nearly a pint of viscous orange fluid from dental socket. Fluid makes several attempts to communicate in basic galach, but patient cannot or will not respond. Patient notices at this time that around 80% of the swelling in his face has disappeared. Similar, or even greater, amount of pain has also likewise vanished. Patient begins, briefly, to believe in god again, before spending the rest of the evening milking his gums for the remaining afterbirth of hell spawn.
Sunday, 11.5.06:
Following a night of unexpectedly restful sleep, I awoke to find myself in relatively little pain, feeling much restored. I soon was conveyed to OHSU, and, after a not unreasonable amount of time, to an exam room. Unfortunately for yours truly, the only room available, due to a rather shocking amount of other sick people having arrived before me, was in Pediatrics. There I sat, in a dressing gown, atop a gurney painted to resemble a bright red fire engine, fully equipped with dalmatian puppy. The first nurse sent in to interview me had no idea that I would be a full-grown man, and there was quite a moment shared between us. I think, in fact, that she was younger than myself. Eventually I would be seen by a doctor who seemed rather convinced that my sinus infection was merely a dental abcess, and who conferred with a second and also much more saucy doctor who suggested that it was a sinus infection caused by dental abcess. In either case, the course of treatment was the same: lance, drain, antibiotics, and painkillers. Happily, I had already managed the first two steps, and they sent me off with prescriptions for the latter two. A few hours later, I found myself at home with a bottle of good, old-fashioned Penicillin in one hand, and a bottle honest-to-god, House-approved Vicodin in the other.
The show makes so much more sense to me now. Also I have discovered that I quite like Vicodin.
Now is your last chance to navigate away from this page if you do not wish to see pictures of the gore:
I has a snout:
The heart of darkness begins to form:
Post draining:
ALL YOUR FACE ARE BELONG TO US:
Victory, but at what cost?
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