Safe (doesn't) happen.

Has anyone with good taste seen these commercials lately where some mundane scene plays out and then a suspense-movie-quality crash occurs out of nowhere? The ones where the terrified people stand around surveying the wreckage? The ones playing on the same fears that caused SUV sales to skyrocket several years ago?

Here's a solution. How about we celebrate the fact that there are now ONE BILLION cars in use by getting out and doing some walking? You don't see New Balance commercials showing people diving out of the way of falling air conditioners propelled only by the fastest new tennis shoes. Come to think of it, you don't see many New Balance commercials, which makes me question where our priorities are located.

And everybody who still wants to melt Greenland with their car exhaust can get into a car (with one billion cars racing around the planet, there will certainly be enough room to hold everyone, though some of you may need to find laps) and see who has the safest car by crashing into one another at high speeds.

The reduced greenhouse gas-emitting society that remains - populated almost entirely by the Volvo Elite, bicyclists, and the guy who was so fat he needed a helicopter to get out of his house - will pick up the pieces and get on with their lives.

And we won't have any more Volkswagen commercials.